Pyro reveiws Sonic R

[Pyro]

This will be he rough draft of a video I will make in the future... This is the only place that seemed where this could fit in...


Pyro: Welcome, today I will be reviewing an old popular sonic game known as: Sonic R. Sonic R is a racing game developed Traveller's Tales and Sega for the Sega Saturn... Because I don't have a Saturn, and my emulator's fucked up, I will be using the PC version...

I walk outside and the box is flung at my head.

Pyro: Alright, here it is.

Pyro sticks the disk into the drive.

Pyro: Now, because there was an error, I already set the game up...

Screen freezes at the selection screen with a choice between Directdraw and Direct3d or something. The camera zooms in on Pyro's face as he get's incredibly pissed...

Pyro: Shit-the-fuck! It's jacked up!

Pyro grabs the box and camera zooms in on the label: Windows 95 and 98

Pyro: No... Nothing but that... Vista's true weakness... SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pyro goes on a rampage

A while later...

Pyro: What the fuck! Vista really pisses me off... It's too picky and can just suck my balls... Gaaaaaaah.... Now I know why it was only a cent!

*Flashback*:

Pyro is browsing Amazon...

Pyro: Here it is, Sonic R... 30 Bucks!!!???? No way in hell am I going to pay that much... Oh, look, 1 cent... That's very reasonable...

*end flashback*

Pyro: I am such a dumbass... Fortunately, I have prepared and bought Sonic Gem Collection... And Sonic R is one of the games included... Now let's stick this motherfucker in...

Wen you start up the game, you have a choice of modes to choose from... Now there are 4 characters to choose from... And 5 characters are locked... First there is: Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and Amy... But don't bother with Amy, I think she sucks... Now the other five are: Fat Bastard (Eggman), Metal Sonic, Metal Knuckles, Tails Doll, and Egg Robo... Is it me, or are these characters basically clones of the originals... Oh, and I forgot... Super Sonic is an unlockable character as well... Well, I usually choose tails, because he is epic and can fly... So let's start this game...

Camera zooms out while a demonic laughter is heard

???: You have fallen into my trap, Pyro... Now you will not escape... Especially because it's Halloween... *more demonic laughter*

[Jigglypuff...is mad ._.]

Nice review.

[Pyro]

Pyro: So, you start out with a screen that asks you what mode you want to play. Just choose The Grand Prix, it's the most worthwhile thing you can do. Now choose your character... I chose Tails, because he's just plain badass in this game. All you have to do is beat the others in a race... Now, there are some hidden items in the stages. There are chaos emeralds and coins. If you get 5 coins and beat the others in the race you can unlock more characters, as I said before. Now, I prefer the Tails Doll because he is even more badass than tails...

A montage appears of Pyro beating the stages, collecting coins, getting rings, getting emeralds, and racing the 4 other characters.

Pyro: Now we have Super Sonic unlocked... But nw there's not really much stuff to do... I already beat the game in 1st place with everyone... Let's try the other modes... Wait... I do remember one time there being some sort of curse in this game...

*Flash Back*
Pyro is going online and reading QuackerandBowen...
*end Flash Back*

Pyro: But it's as bullshit in the end. Now, the curse goes like so... Choose Tails Doll in tag mode, now you need to tag the characters in this order: (first) Mecha Eggman, Metal Sonic, Metal Knuckles, and Super Sonic (last).

Pyro starts the game and realizes how hard it is.

Pyro: FUCK! They can just change directions? Those sneaky bastards... Well... While I am doing this, I will tell you the other forms of doing the curse. 1. Beat the game 100% with TD.
and the others: Play either Can You Feel The Sunshine or Living in The City in a dark room with lights off, backwards or forwards.

Pyro tags Super Sonic.

Pyro: YES!!!

Pyro: So that's basically it. Now let's move on to our next game.

Pyro goes over to his wii to turn it off. But it turns back on but with a red glow.

Pyro: What? Damn thing, it's broken...

Pyro, in rage, grabs his wii and smashes it into the ground.

Pyro: There... The fuck???

The wii floats off the ground glowing red and the TV screen flickers. Eventually a picture of TD can be seen on the screen. Can you feel the sunshine acid remix plays and the lights flicker on and off.

Pyro: Damn, what the hell is going on.

TD: HAHAHAHAHAHA YOU HAVE FREED ME, YOU DUMBASS.

Pyro: Dumbass? Me? You are kidding, you don't exist!

TD: DON'T YOU FEAR ME?

Pyro: Why would I fear you? You don't exist!

TD growls and Pyro's Wii nun-chuck wraps around him, and he falls on the ground.

Pyro: There is a logical explanation!

TD: What?

Pyro:... This is a dream? Or a hallucination or delusion brought on by a sickness or drug?

TD: ... What?

Pyro: You can't possibly exist.

TD: ...

The nun-chuck stops moving and Pyro gets up.

Pyro: How can you hurt me if you don't exist?

TD: ... I DO EXIST!

Pyro: O RLY???

TD: I grow tired of your stupidity!

A ball of energy shoots out of the TV but dissipates before it reaches Pyro.

Pyro: As I said before, because you don't exist, you cannot harm me.

TD: .........YOU WILL REGRET THIS, COME MY SERVANTS!

A young boy materializes before Pyro

Servant: Yes master?

TD: Servant, teach this dumbass a leason.

Pyro: ! Stop calling me a dumbass... Besides, this servant could just be some cult follower...

TD: THAT DOESN'T MEAN HE CANNOT HURT YOU!!!

The servant shoots energy balls at Pyro, and Pyro only dodges a few.

Pyro: Fuck... There's no way I can defeat someone like that... Unless...

Pyro Starts laughing manically...

Pyro: You underestimate me, N00B!!!

Pyro pulls out the virtual console controller.

Pyro: Heheheheh... Take that, I have the Konami code, bitch!

Pyro starts entering a combination on his controller.

Pyro: ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A START!!!

The combination slides across the screen and energy swirls around Pyro.

Pyro: Taste lead, N00BS!

The Spread Gun from Contra appears in Pyro's hands and he fires multiple times at TD and the Servant.

TD: The fool... Finish him Servant.

Servant: Yes master.

Pyro is grabbed by the Servant and held down.

Pyro: Grrrrrr... There must be another way...

Pyro grins as a bright light appears blinding TD and the Servant.

Pyro: It's called Gradius...

Pyro jumps into the ship from Gradius and flies off...

TD: Let's go.

Servant: Yes master..

End of Part 1...

↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A FTW!!!

(picture found off of Flickr...)

If none of you know what Contra is, here is a picture...

[G-Virus]

Heh, sounds more like an Angry Video Game Nerd video thing but only "Pyro Style".

[Chaosky]

You may be powerful Tails Doll, but can you beat me at Super Smash Bros. Brawl?!





I thought not.








Anyway, great idea!

[Pyro]

It had only appeared that Pyro was in the Gradius ship when it flew off... But in reality, he was just behind his bed.

Pyro: If this cult can create illusions now, so can I... Now, I doubt I will find anything on the web concerning this cult... But I cannot sit and wait, they will come for me...

Pyro looked around his room finding the black cloak he had used before and put it on. He also grabbed a big wooden staff that his Aunt used before she died of cancer.

Pyro: Let's wrap this up, I am getting tired of this shit!

Pyro grabbed his game controller and went back to playing Sonic R

Pyro: Well... I guess I will resume and say more about this game. This game was one of Sega's first 3-D like sonic games. The graphics are pretty colourful and have that nostalgic greatness to them. Another neat thing is that the music was stored in a CD audio format, so you can play the music on any CD player if you wanted... But it wont work the gamecube version. Hmmm... I wonder what would happen if someone was playing this...

*Imagination*
Joe, a fat 19 college student is walking down the street with a boombox.

CD: Can you feel the sunshine, does it...

Greg: Hey Joe, what you listening to, dawg?

Joe: Man, Greg, it's Sonic R and it's Da Bomb!

Greg: Isn't Dat dat new Sonik game?

Joe: Sure is.

A nerdy kid runs up.

Nerd: You have Sonic R? Isn't that music Neato?

Purple Hippo: Pyro, your being distracted...
*End Imagination*

Pyro: Whoops... Anyways, despite what I said before, it's a great game, and don't let any curse make you distraught, it's not real anyways... I wonder where that Cult kid wound up, anyways...
----------------------------
TD and his Servant are stuck in Gradius constantly losing because they suck so bad and don't have the Konami code.
----------------------------
That's about it... Unless I make more... But TD wasn't actually in it... It's more of an illusion made to trick everyone... And they aren't really in Gradius, because you cannot prove it... It was mostly Pyro's imagination, except for the Cult, but I may just make another Fan-fic for that... Pyro never got a spread gun or ever glowed, it was never proven... And TD never came out of the TV, so it could be proven that he was only an illusion... Logical make sense ending...
YAY FOR LOGIC!!!

[Jigglypuff...is mad ._.]

XD XD XD Funny and can't wait for more.

[Ness]

LOL DUDE MAKE LOTS MORE

[tom641]

Agreed. And link us when you finish the vid!