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Post by Cookie Chao on Jan 17, 2010 18:37:23 GMT -5
This is an amazing story I found on Chao Island. (No I am not a member there, I just wanted to read some stories and stuff.) And I think it is really cool. Some of you may not like it, some may. Here is the link: www.chao.hippotank.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=20460The author is a 12 year old (I think) and made this story on January 15th and yeah. I think it is very cool. |
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cat
Dedicated
Posts: 532
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Post by cat on Jan 17, 2010 20:29:16 GMT -5
Didn't you already show this on jigglys site?
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Post by Cookie Chao on Jan 18, 2010 9:12:34 GMT -5
? What? I'm not a member of her site.
edit: But I'm a member of Chao Island now. (I only joined to write stories and chat)
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Post by Luna on Jan 20, 2010 8:45:17 GMT -5
A big wall of text. First-person expression.
Please, for god's sake use the "Enter/Return" button to start a new line sometimes. And press it two times.
Also, don't use the first-person expression unless you're telling the story from the character's perspective. Same goes for your role-playing.
Rating: 4/10. (Here's what happens when you ask a person who hasn't written much fanfiction.)
A bit off-topic:
Didn't Jiggly always praise her own stories using alt. accounts? Just noting it 'cause SuperTailz and Mephiles fan are the same person. >.>
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Post by Cookie Chao on Jan 20, 2010 15:10:45 GMT -5
OFF TOPIC: Hmmm yes it seems so, Jigglypuff made 2 accounts on CI one she spammed with and another she didn't. She tried to act all serious on one.
The story is ok, with the detail and quotes. Personally, I think she used too many quotations and not very much detail. (The author)
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