tom641
Dedicated
"Maybe he's the Tails Doll's servant. But I think hes just psycho."
Posts: 575
|
Post by tom641 on Sept 4, 2009 19:05:47 GMT -5
"YES!!!! I GOT THE LAST EMERALD!" this is tommy. he plays sonic r. he also researches it a lot and is trying to do the curse. "now i can take on radiant emerald!" After a long and grueling race... Tommy:huh. i thought that tails doll comes to kill those who finish it all. hmm... Tommy knew better than to go unprotected so he brought his tails mecha action figure (SA2) for a little extra help if needed. he was tired so he went to bed. A strange figure followed him up the stairs, he thought it was his little bro, but in reality it was...
HIS LITTLE BRO (cliffhanger much?)
but yeah, it was only him, and tom shood him back to bed. Tom soon fell asleep wondering what he did wrong. Later that night... *bweep bweep bweep* Tommy: Midnight already? *Yawn* OK, time to do this. He begins the song curse w/ his ipod. Can you feel the sunshine? Does it brighten up your day? Tommy: Funny. Very Funny. Little does Tommy know a red light is creeping up behind him. The dark figure who owns it advances closer and closer. Tommy: weird. it's like i feel warm sunshine on my back... it feels nice. Am i on the radiator again? He looks back just in time to see a red light bringing down a knife. Tommy: WHOA! *dodges* "My my. You're a fast one aren't you?" Tommy: Who are you? "don't act stupid. you know exactly who i am.: all of a sudden the lights come on dimly lit. Tommy: you're right i did know it! Tails Doll: Mmm. Such a delectable soul. So pure. Tommy: so now are you gonna tell me I'm a "pure soul"? TD: oh no, that would be too convenient a plot twist for THIS story! Tommy: Plot tw- What the hell?! You're nuts! TD: maybe so. but you will still be dead by the nights end!
Part 2 comes later! In this thread! but talk about it if you want for now.
|
|
|
Post by Jigglypuff...is mad ._. on Sept 5, 2009 15:21:55 GMT -5
Not bad. But instead of doing this: TD: Muhahahaha! You shall die! How about this: "Muhahahahaha! You shall die!" TD yelled in a creepy sort of voice. It tells the reader how the person/doll/thing is feeling when it talks and how it said it. Example: TD feels confident. He also yelled it. So he could also feel sad, mad, happy...ect...there's lots of feelings! Just think of the one that fits most. And for how. It could be yelling, whispered, growled, or just said. There's also lots of expressions, too. Just think of the one that fits best, how he feels.
|
|
tom641
Dedicated
"Maybe he's the Tails Doll's servant. But I think hes just psycho."
Posts: 575
|
Post by tom641 on Sept 5, 2009 18:24:59 GMT -5
Thanks. I was just trying to convey the feeling of evil, well-confident in itself and knows every move you'll make. As the Doll will. or should i say... as master will? Heheheh. yeah but seriously, thanks, i thought i was the only one to read this!
|
|
|
Post by Jigglypuff...is mad ._. on Sept 5, 2009 20:49:08 GMT -5
Oh, you're mighty welcome. Anytime you need help on a title, or writing, come to me. I wish to be a writer when I grow up, so....yeah...
|
|
tom641
Dedicated
"Maybe he's the Tails Doll's servant. But I think hes just psycho."
Posts: 575
|
Post by tom641 on Sept 6, 2009 1:29:45 GMT -5
now, part 2!
Tommy: Plot tw- What the hell?! You're nuts! TD: Maybe so. But you will still be dead by the nights end! T:Bring it on! Tails Doll lunges at Tommy, smashing him into the wall! Tommy knocks him away and grabs the first thing at hand, which is his SA2B copy, and flings it at the beast! All of a sudden, they are both in the game! Tom is in the form of Shadow, its like Tom's eyes are moving, as he sees a spin-around shot of TD. Strange letters from nowhere spell out TAILS DOLL. T:Oh, i get it! A boss battle! Tails Doll Lunges again, but in the game, Tommy is much quicker! He Spin Dashes into TD, and the health dropped. Then TD turns Giant, and they are in the Egg Golem room. Tommy knows to grab a ring or two, and then TD Shoots a laser at Tommy from his gem! He loses his rings, but stays alive! TD then trys to smash him! But tommy dodged and bounced off his plushie hand and drop kicked in gem in mid-air! After that, sparks appeared everywhere, and they were back in the real world! T:Phew! Glad to be bac- GAHHH! guhhhh... TD: Yes mortal, even with rings, you still feel the pain in the real world! I am a doll, i feel no pain! T:No... I can't move, it hurts... The Doll's gem started glowing, and Tommy's pain intensified. T:AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! TD: Yes, good. Enjoy your last few moments of life as i finsh your soul off.
Now then, anybody who reads this, leave a comment saying whether you want a Happy, Bad, Or Deadly end to the story. I WILL post all 3 but the one that more people want, i post 1st.
Edit: if i don't get a few responses soon, i'm gonna pick what i feel like.
|
|
|
Post by Jigglypuff...is mad ._. on Sept 8, 2009 15:27:15 GMT -5
Hmm...not bad. But...why aren't you using quotes? It makes the story look neater.
|
|
tom641
Dedicated
"Maybe he's the Tails Doll's servant. But I think hes just psycho."
Posts: 575
|
Post by tom641 on Sept 9, 2009 12:42:18 GMT -5
I might for the ending. what ending do you want?
|
|
|
Post by Jigglypuff...is mad ._. on Sept 10, 2009 15:27:11 GMT -5
I don't really care. It's your story, you choose.
|
|
tom641
Dedicated
"Maybe he's the Tails Doll's servant. But I think hes just psycho."
Posts: 575
|
Post by tom641 on Sept 11, 2009 14:43:31 GMT -5
Ok. I'll end it happily for me first time around.
TD: "Now then, to finish your soul off..." Tommy: "N- NNNNNNOOOOOOO!" Tommy breaks fights the pain and lunges for the doll and grabs the knife. TD: "No way! I can't be beaten by a mere mortal!" Tommy slices TD's gem into tiny pieces, The Tails Doll's eyes turn happier, and it turns into a normal doll of tails. Tommy: "Ugh... i've done it. i beat him..." *collapses* The next morning... Tommy: *yawn* "where am i?" "... oh yeah. My bed." He gets up to get in bed whan he sees a note, writtn in blood. TD's Note: "So you've bested me eh? No matter. I can always take you on again." Tommy: "Heh heh. anytime, any place, ya stupid doll."
I will post the other endings later on.
|
|
|
Post by Jigglypuff...is mad ._. on Sept 12, 2009 8:52:29 GMT -5
:-[Hmm....ok, I voted TERRIBLE ENDING
|
|
tom641
Dedicated
"Maybe he's the Tails Doll's servant. But I think hes just psycho."
Posts: 575
|
Post by tom641 on Sept 16, 2009 21:03:02 GMT -5
Ending 2
TD: "you will now become my greatest slave." Tommy: "Never! I will never join you!" TD: "Silly mortal. You act like you have a choice." Tails Doll's gem glowed brighter, the lights went out, and Tommy felt strange. That sick Doll, but was he really so evil? In fact, maybe he was the good guy! Those bastards at TDRF, demonizing him... their souls are now the property of the Tails Doll.
Tommy now feels the sunshine.
|
|
|
Post by Jigglypuff...is mad ._. on Sept 17, 2009 14:47:27 GMT -5
Interesting. Short, rhought. Make it a lil longer, it makes the readers wanna read more. I mean, readers don't wanna read a few sentence ending.
|
|
tom641
Dedicated
"Maybe he's the Tails Doll's servant. But I think hes just psycho."
Posts: 575
|
Post by tom641 on Sept 19, 2009 18:00:48 GMT -5
Well it seems cooler in my head. anyway
|
|
|
Post by Jigglypuff...is mad ._. on Sept 20, 2009 11:34:52 GMT -5
Sigh...do what you wanna do....--
|
|
tom641
Dedicated
"Maybe he's the Tails Doll's servant. But I think hes just psycho."
Posts: 575
|
Post by tom641 on Sept 23, 2009 4:14:58 GMT -5
Meh. not really in the mood for this but...
As the Tails Doll advanced on Tommy's paralized body, a knife appeared in his paw. Struggling to no avail, Tommy could only watch the Evil advance upon him and raise the knife. The lights went out at mid-night as the gleaming death was brought down. Tommy would never feel anything, not even the sunshine, again.
|
|