The wreck of the century! Looking for reviews!

[Jigglypuff...is mad ._.]

(I'm also looking on what to do next.)
Chapter 1
I got home from school and I saw my mom and dad playing with Ollie, my baby brother. He is 2 years old but he has excellent manuscript. My mom saw me walk in. She went in the kitchen and fixed herself a cup of coffee. At the same time, I went in the kitchen and sat down on a chair. Then my mom sat down.
"How was school, Lilac?" Mom asked me.
"It was fine. I was Famous at school. She was doing music class," I answered simply. "Speaking of Famous, where is she?"
"She is over at Oliver's house. Oliver is a friend of Famous'. She met him today," Mom told me. "Do you have any notes for me?" "Homework?"
"No, mom, I'm in 1st grade! 1st graders DON'T get homework." I got a cup of water and then sat back down.
"Well, Sweetie, looks like I got to get ready for work," Mom told me. She left the room. Shortly after that, I heard a knock on the door. I ran to it and opened it. It was Famous. She had a boy with her. Oliver.
"Lilac, don't stand there, get DAD!" She screamed at me. As I was walking away, I heard Oliver and Famous giggle.
"Good one," He whispered to Famous. I wondered where Famous got that Sassy attitude...or was it not Oliver? I tapped on dad's shoulder. He put Ollie down and saw Famous with Oliver at the door. He nodded and walked to the door.
"What is it dear?" Dad asked her.
"Dad, I'm NOT your 'dear' and I want to know if Oliver can stay over for dinner," She answered.
"Oh, no, no, no, no, no," Dad told Famous as he shook his head multiple times. Oliver looked at me with his eyes like a brutal fire, and then stomped away to go back home. I looked puzzled. Dad then went back to Ollie, who had just had a "accident" in his pants. Famous stomped in, her eyes looking just like Oliver's. She grabbed me by the cotton tail and dragged me in the bathroom. She shoved me in and then walked in after.
"Lilac Yellow flower Yeaser, if you EVER do that again, I'll chop your head off and throw it in the dumpster. FOREVER," Famous told me. She smiled at the last part. At the beginning she looked the same; but with clenched, fanged teeth.
"Man, Famous, before you left for Hollywood, yoy were kind and---" I almost finished my sentence, but Famous cut me off.
"Shhhh! DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT!" She hissed. I bit my lip and turned away so she couldn't see she hurt me. After I got over it, which was 2 minutes later, I asked, "Why not?"
"I can't tell you. It's secret," She answered in a mean tone.
"But Famous---" I protested.
"I SAID DROP IT!" Famous yelled. Suddenly my mom came in and told me to shoo. I got out.
"Honey, what's wrong?" Mom asked Famous.
She turned away.
"Fine, I don't have any time to talk to you anyway. I'll talk to you when I get back from work," Mom told Famous.
Chapter 2
We walked out and the dinner bell rang. Mom left quickly. Ollie woke up and I picked him up and put him in his highchair. Then I sat down and so did Famous. Dad gave us our plates of food. It was Garlic Pizza. We ate the garlic pizza. After dinner, dad instructed me to put Ollie to sleep. I did and then Mom walked in. Famous was in her room, reading her diary. She was reading her memories before she turned evil. Her last entree before she turned evil read,
"Dear Diary,
Today I made a bracelet at my camp. We made them for fun.Tomorrow we are supposed to go to the Renissance festival. I'm so excited. But some rides will be limited because of Ollie.~Famous, the bestest rabbit in the world." My mom came in the room and Famous quickly put back her diary. Mom sat on the bed, stroking Famous' hair. Famous pulled her hair away from Mom's hand.
"What has gotten you so sassy?" Mom asked Famous.
"Well....I was at the Renissance Festival, getting Lemonade when Pure Power appeared and made a deal with me. The deal was if she pays me $25 a day to go there at, I'll clean her castle. And work for her, pretty much. NOT just cleaning her castle. When I didn't appear one night, she went in my room and said, 'if you think the deal is over, it's not. You're part of my deal forever.'" Famous told mom the story. Mom nodded.
"Why did you agree to the deal, anyway?" Mom asked.
"Well, I need the money to buy me a laptop," Famous answered. Mom nodded again.
"You promise not to tell?" Famous asked Mom. Mom nodded. One finger was behind her back, crossed and one was on her heart.
"I swear," Mom told Famous.
Chapter 3: Mom breaks the promise.
(That's all I have so far. I'm sorta stuck on what I should do next. Give me a review, please.)

[bloodmeta]

Well I Must Say, This Story Sounds REALLY Good, Good Characters, Everything... But I Would Of Sounded Better If You Wrote It In A Third Person Expression, So People Can Picture The Events In Their Minds, Without Seeing Themselves As The "I" In This Story, But Still, It's Your Story, So Yeah, Good Work Anywho!

[Jigglypuff...is mad ._.]

What's a third person expression? (I'm just learning how to write, so...yeah...)

[bloodmeta]

Aug 10, 2009 13:44:55 GMT -5 Jigglypuff...is mad ._. said:

What's a third person expression? (I'm just learning how to write, so...yeah...)

A Third Person Expression Is Where You Tell The Story Outside Of The Characters (Like Percy Jackson And The Olympians, Dragonheart, Harry Potter, Etc Etc.) And Not Include "I" In Your Story, As To Where People Can Imagine The Characters Actions Inside The Book And Then Get Sucked Into It, Rather Than Seeing Themselves As The Main Character... Like So...

"Nathan went on a journey that would change his life forever" That Type Of Thing... Ya Know, Say Nathan Replied, Told, Said Etc, Thats A Third Person Expression, But First Person Is Fine With Your Story. I'm Just Telling You Want Third Person Is...K? But Along The Lines Now, This Is A Pretty Good Story, Even In First Person Perspective (Thats Another Way To Say Third Person Expression ;D )

[Jigglypuff...is mad ._.]

I think I'll keep it as it is. Um, can anyone give me ideas of what to do next?