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Post by gemthetailsdollfan on Aug 19, 2008 21:42:28 GMT -5
The final story part,then a new one with a whole new storyline,and new characters you've never heard of! Nazo:Shadow,Sonic,And pesky maria,come out now! Shadow,Sonic,And maria:why should we? Shadow:but now that you've found us..."kicks with super speed* Nazo:urrrgh! Shadow:go maria! Maria:right! Heeeeeyah! *kicks with girly power* nazo:agggh! Girly power! Shadow:now go,sonic! Sonic:right! *kicks very far where he can never come back* Sonic:and that's a wrap! Shadow:piece of cake. Maria:cake?! Where?! Shadow:ha,ha...there's no cake...it was just really easy,maria. Maria:oh. (PS. New storyline,new characters everything coming very soon!)
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Post by gemthetailsdollfan on Aug 19, 2008 21:55:24 GMT -5
NEW STORY YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR! Chaos the fox:urrgh,where am I? :Chaos! There you are! Chaos the fox:who are you,and where am I? RosePrower:its me,rose. And you are in a mobius hospital for teens. Chaos the fox:oh,ok..I'm going back to sleep. Rose:you can't. Your birthday is today,and I won't let you sleep through your birthday! Chaos the fox:oh,allright.. Rose:yay! Now,lets go to the pet store,so we can go pick out your pet! Chaos:allright! A new pet! Just what I need! :wait. You can't go without me! Rose:oh,petunia,its you! Hey,lil sis! Haven't seen you in a while! Petunia:that's because I went to los angles. Rose:oh,wow! Cool,los angeles! Petunia:now,enough chit-chat lets go to the pet store! Chaos:allright,allright,petunia... Petunia:ooh,where here! Ooh,lookie here! Kittens! Chaos:awww! I've always wanted a kitten! Rose:hey,its your birthday,you pick whatever you want. You have 600 dallors to spend. Chaos:wow! 600 dallors! I'm gonna buy a mini kitten. That one right there. The one with red eyes,and looks blue. Rose:I don't know,he looks mysterious...
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Post by gemthetailsdollfan on Aug 19, 2008 22:16:58 GMT -5
Sorry,short delay now. It might be a week or two,I was grounded,and I need to spend some time with my friends. But here's the rest of the story:Chaos:what do you mean? Rose:never mind...just buy him...Chaos:ok. Petunia:buy him! Buy him! Store keeper:I don't know,I hear he turnsinto a evil hedgehog at night...Chaos:I'M evil,ya bus boy! Store keeper:ok,if u say so...Chaos:how much is he? Store keeper:1 cent. Chaos:oh. Here's one cent. Store keeper:thanks. Bye. Chaos:no problem. Bye. Chaos:here's some hedgehog food,nazo! Petunia:here's some bacon,nazo! Rose:here's some water,nazo! *yum! Nazo thought. This is like a feast to me,nazo thought.* *nazo transforms into a were-hog* nazo:bwhahaha! No to destroy those pesky little fox's! Petunia:keep it down rose! Rose:that's not me! Chaos:its not me either! Petunia:then what is it? Chaos:I don't know,but lets check it out. Petunia:ok. Rose:ok. Nazo:hmm? Oh,petunia,rose,and chaos! Chaos...Chaos:yes? Nazo:join me,chaos. Chaos:o-ok...you ARE evil,and planning to destroy the world,right? Nazo:yes. Chaos:then....YES! (PS.next time,(not very soon...),Chaos' story:me,and nazo,up to destroy everybody,and the world. Nazo's story:(same as chaos' excpet with me,and chaos.) Rose's story:me against nazo and chaos! Petuina:(same as rose's)
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Post by gemthetailsdollfan on Aug 20, 2008 18:35:18 GMT -5
Ok,ok,scince your begging for the next part,here it is! Nazo:hmm,now that I have you,chaos,you shall become robotic and become my servent! *spends an hour fixing robotic parts,evil red eyes,and everything* now,rise robot chaos! R.C:yes,master... nazo:oh,look rose and petunia came to rescue you! Well,your too late petunia and rose! She's already my servent! Now destroy them,R.C! R.C:yes master...*does robotic kick* rose:arrrgh! You'll pay,nazo! AND "R.C!" nazo:now go catxh up to them,and stop them,R.C! R.C:yes,master...*catches up* errrargh! *kick,kick,kick!* Petunia and rose:ummfgh! You'll pay! Nazo:not for long,I won't be paying you a dime! *traps them in a un-breakable cage* Petunia and rose:rrrgh! I'll escape! I won't be in here for long! Nazo:oh,really? *does complete lockdown* now...lets go buy soome robotic version and nazo version donuts. R.C:ok. (PS.next time,nazo's and "R.C's" story:the REAL fight with petunia and rose! Petunia's and Rose's story:the REAL fight with nazo and "R.C!")
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Post by gemthetailsdollfan on Aug 22, 2008 18:50:00 GMT -5
Ok,here's the next part...Rose:*makes big enough circle for me and petunia to escape in* now lets escape! Petunia:but how? Rose:oh,you'll see...*gets rope to nearest open window* NOW lets escape! Petunia:ok. *climbs up rope* rose:wait for me! Ha,ha! Petunia:ok,were out! Rose:now lets look for nazo and robot chaos. Petunia:you mean R.C? Rose:...robot chaos is the same.... Petunia:anyway,look! There they are! Nazo and robot chaos:mmm,the donuts are good! Thankyou,master. Nazo:no problem. Rose and petunia:now we've got you! Nazo and robot chaos:how'd you get out?! Grrr! Nazo:attack the fools! Robot chaos:yes,master. *kick! Kick! Kick!* rose and petunia:arrgh...*faints* nazo:now,lets go before they wake-up! Robot chaos:ok. *escapes* next time,nazo's and robot chaos' story:the escape! Rose's and petunia's story:we fight!
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Post by gemthetailsdollfan on Aug 22, 2008 20:06:14 GMT -5
Ok,here's the next part:nazo:ok,we're far enough where they can't see us. Robot chaos:oh,no! They've found us! Rose and petunia:bad hiding place,BAAAAD hiding place! Nazo:who asked you?! *hyper demon nazo transformation!* hyper demon nazo:now....HYYYYAH! *KIIIICK!* rose and petunia:AGGGGGH! *falls off hill,leading to big city* nazo:now they HAVE to be dead! Robot chaos:now lets go into the secret cave hideout. Nazo:ok. Good idea. *goes into hideout* now lets play some super smash bros. Brawl! I'll be chaos,my own character enetering in by cheats! Nazo:I'll be nazo,by character also entering by cheats! *booming voice:FIGHT!* robot chaos:this is fun! Nazo: yes. It is. Next time,nazo and robot chaos' story:the fight! Rose's and petunia's story:the fight!)
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Post by gemthetailsdollfan on Aug 23, 2008 14:43:53 GMT -5
Ok,I need help on how to delete the last posts. It won't let me!
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Post by Akago on Aug 23, 2008 14:54:04 GMT -5
Alright Gem, here's the review you were bugging me for so much. I'm being an honest critic, so no complaints if you don't like what you hear.
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Post by gemthetailsdollfan on Aug 23, 2008 15:44:28 GMT -5
Here is a little bit about my fan characters in my new story:nazula,he is evil,he came from the islands of the dark caribbean. He is considred an enemy. Most people call him:"nazula the dark." Moon lit,she is good,she came from moon star mars. She is considred an hero. She is called:"moon the great." And,carazula,she came from car island. She is good/bad. She is called:"carzy the dark assistaint."
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Post by gemthetailsdollfan on Aug 23, 2008 17:41:57 GMT -5
It takes place in multiple places:the grand canyon,nazula's dark dungeon,NYC,on top of a big hill,in a deep crystal cave,and in nazula's dark palace. Now the story:the place,nazula's dark palace,and the grand canyon. Nazula:hmmph. Look at the sore losers! They're looking for crystals,but I already have them! Bwhahahaha! Carazula:aggh! We've been in the grand canyon looking for the stupid crystals for HOURS! Moon lit:I know,stop complaning carazula! We will not stop until we find them! Carazula:if that's what you want to do,then I'll...errr....I'll join the dark force with nazula,my brother fox! Moon lit:you wouldn't! Grrr! I don't care,you won't win with a weak person like nazula! *nazula appears* nazula:oh really now,moon lit? Come,carazula. We shall think of a plan to destroy that stupid moon lit! Carazula:yes,brother...now...*dissapears and leaves moon lit with no way back to the cave because she's trapped because rocks are blocking her*moon lit shivers* nazula:now,look. I already had the crystals,carazula. Carazula:wow! How did you get them?! Nazula:oh,I have my way..*smirks* carazula:well,lets trap moon lit! Nazula:*smiles* hmm...good thinking. You are already thinking like a villan! Bwhahahaha! *carazula teleports,gets moon lit,and traps her in the dark dungeon* carazula:now,you stay there moon lit! **NEXT TIME,the huge escape,the huge fight!**
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Post by mewtwo on Aug 24, 2008 8:08:25 GMT -5
Wow! When's the next part coming? This is awesome! I'm going to make my own fan characters story like you! But the thing is,how? I'm a pokemon for petes sake!
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Adria
Research & Development
GET OFF MAH LAWN.
Posts: 112
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Post by Adria on Aug 24, 2008 11:44:14 GMT -5
Gem, stop making usernames just to judge your own story. it proves your a noob, not a newb.
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Post by Akago on Aug 24, 2008 12:10:14 GMT -5
At least I wasn't the only one thinking it. Not to mention she followed little to none of my advice. I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOUR GRAMMAR. All I see is a garbled mess that I have to take into Word Perfect, and work 30 minutes just to try to translate and understand it. I was trying to be nice about this, and let you down easy because I know your age, but you didn't seem to get the hint. So I'll be more blunt about this. If you want to be an author, go pick up a grammar book first. Read other stories and learns what makes an interesting and good plot. What I can understand is down right uninteresting and dull.
And just to give you an idea about what makes a story at least somewhat interesting, not to mention legible, here's the first bit of the first one rewritten.
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Adria
Research & Development
GET OFF MAH LAWN.
Posts: 112
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Post by Adria on Aug 24, 2008 13:36:30 GMT -5
Actually, its Laziness vs Creativity. Shes 10, shes Lazy and not creative enough to make a good story. I'm 11, I'm not lazy, and i'm bursting with energy and creativity. It may be my opinion, but I think i'm a pretty good author due to all of the nice comments people give me when i write stories. You can check out my fanfic of tails doll for proof: randomracoon222.deviantart.com/gallery/The grammar is fine, and i dont go.. Tails dol: i wil kill u u stupid hejhog!! just u wat! Instead, i go.. "I WILL kill you, You stupid Hedghog! JUST YOU WAIT!" growled tails doll, bashing the wall in anger. EDIT: I twitched when i had to write it in chatspeak ;_;
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Post by mewtwo on Aug 24, 2008 14:47:19 GMT -5
...I know I'm gem,and I'm NOT a noob. I made my own fan character story again,please read it.
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